Subways are for Riding

The grossest thing I’ve ever seen on the subway is a man cutting his toenails. But that’s only because I’ve been lucky enough to sit on the right side of the car.

***Warning: This is a post full of swears. There was no way around that. If you are offended by rough language, just take that hilarious toenail story and wait for tomorrow’s post. ***Not Having It!

One night, I was coming home very late from work. I boarded the subway at 4 AM, sat down and began to read my book. The car was populated, though not crowded. All of a sudden, I hear the woman across from me, “What the fuck are you doing?”

As I look up, startled, she starts freaking out. “What the fuck-This man just had his dick out. This man was trying to show me his dick!”

Ok, needless to say, the entire car was enthralled, though no one did anything. The guy starts fumbling around, stuttering, “I have to go to the bathroom. I’m t-t-tuh-to-too drunk to know what I’m doing…”

This lady was not having it. “You aren’t drunk, you know exactly what you were trying to do! You better get off this car-I don’t care if the train is moving. When we get to the next stop, I’m going to find a cop to arrest you,” etc., etc.

There are only three ladies on the car; blessedly, we are all stone cold sober. There’s a blonde girl about my age who looks like another tired waitress, yours truly, and the lady who had been visually violated, who looks to be about my mother’s age. The blonde girl and I keep making eye contact as though planning for some attack we think is coming our way. Finally, the 2 train gets to the next stop. This lady gets up, walks to the doorway and starts banging her cane on the side of the car. “Is there a cop on this platform? Is there a police officer on this platform? There’s a man on my car who just showed his dick to me!”


And with that, the guy jumps up out of his seat and runs away, never to be seen or heard from again.

This lady is my hero. She probably scared this guy so badly that he won’t ever think about flashing or going even further to violate a woman for quite some time. She is a role model for every woman who has ever been scared to speak up for herself.

The 15 men on the train were and are cowards. None of them did anything. Don’t think she didn’t call them all out on that after the guy got off the car.

The flasher was the laziest flasher I could ever imagine, just wearing a sweater and jeans. Where’s the big reveal? If he’s going to pull that business again, there should at least be an element of surprise. Hopefully next time he gets tased.


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