Just Sayin’ (and Other Horrific Phrases)

“Just ‘sayin’” is the most irritating idiom to ever make it into the American lexicon. Ever.

The phrase “making love” has always made me feel super uncomfortable, right up there with “lover” and “soft kissing” (shudder). These terms are unnecessarily graphic and far too personal to be used in any conversation. They cause second-hand embarrassment of a monumental nature. They’re like that couple from Saturday Night Live, played by Rachel Dratsch and Will Ferrell; the living embodiment of The Joy of Sex. Do not use these in front of anyone; they are creepy.

Any bodily function that starts with the letter “d” is also a giant no. I have always stuck by my firm anti-bathroom humor stance, unless the joke is really funny. In neither comedic nor dramatic conversationsis there reason to share any such information about yourself. Seriously.

For about two days, The Silly Squirrel tried to make a catch-phrase out of “I know that’s right.” We all just ignored it and it died a swift, painless death.

But NONE of these words or phrases can even approach the majesty of annoyance that is “Just sayin’”. It is an empty phrase that instantly turns whatever valid point someone makes into a passive-aggressive snark-fest:

Person A: These jalapeño poppers are the jam. [Note the totally valid point in this statement. Jalapeño poppers are always the jam.] Just sayin’.

Person B:……

Person B has nothing to say because now Person A has made the jalapeño poppers a point of contention. As if Person B was some sort of popper-hating jerkface. Not cool, Person A.

Even worse, I’ve had a tête-à-tête or two where a fellow conversant gets stuck in a “just sayin’” loop and uses it to punctuate every declarative as if he or she is afflicted with a very specifically passive aggressive form of Tourette Syndrome.

People who use this phrase are trapped in a world of delusion. They think “just sayin’” makes them sound sassy, like they have their own sitcom or are the smart friend on the paternity test episode of Maury.

It doesn’t.

Just sayin’.

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