The Awesome Opossum has been pretty lucky in living with mostly good friends, but her first roommate ever and her current roommate are locked neck-and-neck in an anecdotal competition of crazy.
Let’s call them Lucy (first roommate) and Jessie (latest roommate).
Lucy had a lot of friends. All of them were stuffed animals, except for one. His name was Justin Timberlake and he was her boyfriend. She had posters, cds and even a Justin Timberlake doll. According to the Awesome Opossum, Lucy cried when JT performed on the VMAs. I find this to be deeply romantic.
One day, the Awesome Opossum came home to find her dorm had been stripped of Justin Timberlake paraphernalia. When asked why, Lucy curtly replied that she and JT needed some time apart. And then she cooked a brick of ground beef in the microwave.
All of this is pretty strange. There is no doubt that Lucy will have some social isolation issues for most of her life, but she did have the handicap of being 18 and away from home for the first time. Jessie, being a lady in her late twenties, does not.
Jessie is messy and sleeps on the couch at all hours of the day and night. She leaves lights on and shoes out. She eats all of A.O.’s food, replaces it and eats that. She pulls all-nighters even though she is not in school. She is forever young.
On January 1st, Jessie wanted to celebrate the tradition of eating collard greens and black eyed peas to bring herself a lucky new year. She headed to her local Whole Foods and purchased the frozen version of said items. Once she got into her car, she realized she wouldn’t have time to go home and heat up these purchases before heading to a party, so she pulled over on the side of the road, opened the bags and ate the frozen vegetable and legume as they were. When she told this story to the Awesome Opossum, Jessie justified it by saying that she didn’t want to have a bad year.
If you are eating frozen food in your car in January, you’ve already had a bad year.