I’m Not Calling You A Liar…Zooey Deschanel

It’s been a heavy week here on this blog. I feel like we just relived Proposition 8, but at a pig pickin’. In the spirit of expediting the weekend, it’s time to put aside the politics and get back to my favorite hobby: judging with impunity.

I think it’s really important for women to support each other. I really value ladies who don’t denigrate other ladies, because we deal with enough of that from all sides. So why is it that Zooey Deschanel makes my teeth hurt? She seems like a nice person, certainly not someone who is outwardly hurtful or viciously stupid (ahem, Kardashians), but she is annoying. Her newest commercial for the iPhone4s only results in my distrusting Siri’s choice in companions. Zooey’s like that friend of a friend you get stuck next to at brunch, who’s like “Oh yeah, yesterday I just sat around playing the banjo in my pajamas and then I talked to a butterfly on my windowsill.” No amount of mimosas will cure that irritation.

She’s the girl who then corners you at that same friend’s party a couple of weekends later and tells you about her new banjo songs that she’s written, all about butterflies. So you lie to get away from her, and then you feel mean because you see her just sitting on the sofa after that, picking at a stray cigarette burn and looking too precious for the room. The cycle continues until you have to stop hanging around your mutual friend with because it’s too much social anxiety.

I only know Zooey Deschanel from magazine articles, commercials, movies, and Gawker nicknames. So not liking her is even meaner than being annoyed by banjo-brunch girl, who also buys her clothes specifically from second-hand stores to feel the weight of other people’s histories on her back, because I have never met her. But ZD projects that easy-going attitude that I both envy and distrust. She was, until recently, a vegan with allergies to eggs, dairy, and gluten. As a former waitress, I can tell you it is impossible that she is laid back.

Though I am not alone in my skeptical distaste for ZD’s hipster flower child aura, I do feel bad about it. She may be lovely to have brunch with, though I don’t know what kind of brunch you have with no eggs. Good for her for finding success as an actress/singer/songwriter. I don’t believe she’s as nerdy or free spirited as she wants her fanbase to believe she is, and I don’t believe anyone who really takes his or her music seriously talks in a constant glottal fry, but I respect her for finding a group of people who like what she does enough to make her a millionaire. I’m just not one of them, nor is anyone I know, besides boys who aren’t overwhelmingly familiar with womankind.

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8 thoughts on “I’m Not Calling You A Liar…Zooey Deschanel

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  5. I like this post. There’s a healthy – and hilarious – skepticism toward an image being sold to us, but it’s never truly mean.

    I’m interested in Kate’s comment as I keep hearing similar things. Care to expand, Kate? The hard sell of cutie-pieness is a bit much at times, but it would be especially egregious if it was entirely manufactured.

    I have seen, in interviews, glimpses of something notably sour and petulant about her which were enough to turn me off. When you see her on a talk show having a near-tantrum about how unfair a perfectly fair, in-good-fun game was, it’s hard to see her as sweet anymore. When you see this on 3 talk shows, you wonder how anyone still does. And you wonder just how powerful cute bangs can be.

  6. I’ve met her and she is… not nice to say the least. Sorry Zooey, but you were rude, a snob and your eyes aren’t big unless you pull the ‘deer in the headlights’ face you’re famous for.

  7. YO girl, why do you have to hate?? I love her and the cute one liners that are her show. And im not just saying this because I live in hipsterville either, I loved her well before I moved to the land of skinny jeans and ironic tshirts. 😉 She’s just a quirky girl trying to make a statement to the new generation!

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