It’s been a heavy week here on this blog. I feel like we just relived Proposition 8, but at a pig pickin’. In the spirit of expediting the weekend, it’s time to put aside the politics and get back to my favorite hobby: judging with impunity.
I think it’s really important for women to support each other. I really value ladies who don’t denigrate other ladies, because we deal with enough of that from all sides. So why is it that Zooey Deschanel makes my teeth hurt? She seems like a nice person, certainly not someone who is outwardly hurtful or viciously stupid (ahem, Kardashians), but she is annoying. Her newest commercial for the iPhone4s only results in my distrusting Siri’s choice in companions. Zooey’s like that friend of a friend you get stuck next to at brunch, who’s like “Oh yeah, yesterday I just sat around playing the banjo in my pajamas and then I talked to a butterfly on my windowsill.” No amount of mimosas will cure that irritation.
She’s the girl who then corners you at that same friend’s party a couple of weekends later and tells you about her new banjo songs that she’s written, all about butterflies. So you lie to get away from her, and then you feel mean because you see her just sitting on the sofa after that, picking at a stray cigarette burn and looking too precious for the room. The cycle continues until you have to stop hanging around your mutual friend with because it’s too much social anxiety.
I only know Zooey Deschanel from magazine articles, commercials, movies, and Gawker nicknames. So not liking her is even meaner than being annoyed by banjo-brunch girl, who also buys her clothes specifically from second-hand stores to feel the weight of other people’s histories on her back, because I have never met her. But ZD projects that easy-going attitude that I both envy and distrust. She was, until recently, a vegan with allergies to eggs, dairy, and gluten. As a former waitress, I can tell you it is impossible that she is laid back.
Though I am not alone in my skeptical distaste for ZD’s hipster flower child aura, I do feel bad about it. She may be lovely to have brunch with, though I don’t know what kind of brunch you have with no eggs. Good for her for finding success as an actress/singer/songwriter. I don’t believe she’s as nerdy or free spirited as she wants her fanbase to believe she is, and I don’t believe anyone who really takes his or her music seriously talks in a constant glottal fry, but I respect her for finding a group of people who like what she does enough to make her a millionaire. I’m just not one of them, nor is anyone I know, besides boys who aren’t overwhelmingly familiar with womankind.