When I was a little girl, I named all the sticks in my front yard “Laura Krazan.” They were all horses and each could be ridden. They were great imaginary friends, but once again, I’ve been reminded that anything I have is just a crappy version of what a celebrity has. While I am imaginary friends with horse sticks, Clint Eastwood is imaginary friends with the president. He actually got his imaginary friend up on stage at the Republican National Convention and talked to him for like, twelve minutes. One time, I showed my dad and mom all my horses and I know they didn’t give me twelve minutes of their time. Democrats just don’t respect imaginary friends the way Republicans do.
Full disclosure, I have not watched the RNC live as it runs close to my bedtime and rape apologists and homophobes give me nightmares. I’ve seen lots of clips and read lots of articles and have felt this was enough, but now I’m kicking myself for missing last night’s excellence. All I can think is how pissed John Voight and Donald Trump must be that they’re considered too extreme to speak, but Clint Eastwood gets to stand up onstage for a fifth of an hour and tell a chair he isn’t going to shut up. I was concerned for Mr. Eastwood’s sanity when earlier this year, he let E! cameras into his home and revealed that he has a truly horrible family, but now I see that he totally fine. He’s also starring in a movie soon with Justin Timberlake, who we know is box office gold. Remember when everyone rushed the theater to see In Time? This baseball movie will probably be just like that.
If Mitt Romney was going for a speaker who would make him look less vague and more in touch by comparison, this was a raging success. The cheering crowd in the all-Republican built Tampa Bay Times Forum has obviously never been to New York, because I see people yelling at their imaginary friends all the time, though they aren’t usually dressed as well. I would like to note that I would never call the my horse friends crazy, especially not in public, as that seems unsupportive, but I think the Laura Krazans and I have a different relationship than Mr. Eastwood and imaginary Obama.