Nasty Don’t Know Why You Will Not Sit Down

Paris Hilton has offended the gays (along with everyone else, by virtue of her comments yesterday and her general existence). She was surreptitiously recorded by a cab driver saying, “Ewww! Gay guys are the horniest people in the world.” “They’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS. … I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You’ll like, die of AIDS,” in response to who her publicist calls her “gayfriend”, in an apology that offends nearly as much as her original comments, telling her about Grindr*.

Forget that we now know Paris Hilton talks like a confused preteen in an after-school special. Clearly, she does not have any gay friends, or “gayfriends”, if she is just now finding out about Grindr. Grindr is ubiquitous in the gay community. You can use Grindr in Manhattan. You can use Grindr in remote towns in the Rockies. Grindr is probably effective if the Mars Rover is looking for a good time. Paris has possibly met gay people, but they are not friends. Let’s be honest, this guy doling out revelatory information is her assistant, which explains why there is no subsequent recording of this guy telling Paris Hilton she is an ignorant slut and demanding to be let out of the cab.

We live in a world where women are constantly shamed for having the same active sex lives as their male counterparts, which is wrong. Everyone should have the sex life they want to have and no one should judge that. However, when a sex tape makes you famous, dating every B-List personality keeps you there, and the entire free world has seen your Champs-Élysées, it’s pretty bold to be tossing shade onto the gay community regarding sexually transmitted diseases.

But most importantly, the word “gayfriend” is now out in the world. Instead of just saying, “Oh, I’m having drinks with my friend Kevin” or “Josh is meeting me after work,” you better believe I am just going to sub in “gayfriend”. Be prepared to hear “gayfriend” a lot. I will be “gayfriending” homosexuals on Facebook. I am going to ask a “gayfriend” to be exclusive with me, since I’m jealous when he “gayfriends” around with other girls. “Gayfriendship” is kind of like friendship, but with more marabou.

Paris Hilton opened her mouth this week and let us all know she is still a deplorable human being. For her to think gay guys are disgusting creates a convenient reciprocal relationship. The true victims of her remarks are people who hate Paris Hilton but are also homophobic. Those poor, conflicted souls need our thoughts and prayers now more than ever.


*Grindr is a social network that helps gay men locate each other and engage in discreet meetings. Wink-face emoticon.


One thought on “Nasty Don’t Know Why You Will Not Sit Down

  1. Pingback: Haters Wanna Hate | petulantpanda

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