It’ll All Get Better in Time

Everyone is wondering where they can get more commentary on the debate, since no one really seems to be talking about it. You’ve come to the right place. Apparently, Mitt Romney won last night. I do not understand how winning works. To me, Governor Romney came across like the ruder of two guys who were both kind of rude (telling the moderator that you want to cut funding to his place of business is definitely not good manners). He came across like the vaguer of two guys who said vague things. He came across like the guy who didn’t get President Obama’s sweet Donald Trump joke and thus we had a presidential debate, where two people seeking the highest office in the land mentioned Donald Trump twice. That is too many times.

Mitt Romney won the debate on most imaginative reinterpretation of his own campaign points and history as governor of Massachusetts. He definitely won in enthusiasm. Obama’s performance reminded me of myself when I evicted my first roommate. She’d been spreading untruths about me on the internet in an attempt to move out before the end of the month, skipping out on rent after already owing me money for cable and security. I sat her down at the nearest Starbucks with her favorite Frappucino. She raged about squatters rights and how I was unfair and how she didn’t mean what she said before only what she meant now. I just nodded impassively and told her this was the way things had to be. Finally, she stormed out, leaving her “tainted” Frappucino untouched. I gave it to a homeless person and went about my day.

Had we been on television, she might have won that argument. She made more noise, said more words, and was incredulous. But we were not on television, just as she was not on the lease, so stoicism and facts emerged victorious. Donald Trump never came up. Like Obama, once my opponent flipped a 180, I didn’t feel like I needed to get upset or yell. I was in the right and I just sat back and enjoyed it. That is not the way to win a debate.

Even though Mitt Romney had the same squirrely look on his face as Teresa Guidice during the Season 1 Reunion of the Real Housewives of New Jersey when Andy Cohen asked about mafia ties and told more interesting versions of the truth than Lindsey Lohan tweets, he won the debate. Obama sat back and let Mitt Romney say that he wasn’t going to raise taxes, just close loopholes, which incidentally, makes people pay more taxes. He let the very wealthy Mitt Romney say people would be better served to use Medicare money on the open market, even though young healthy people can’t get a fair break on the open market. Obama sat back, knowing this was crazy and being right. Maybe if he’d brought Romney a (decaf) Frappucino, he would have won, but somehow I doubt it.

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