Take Your Mama Out All Night

You guys, I feel like this blog and I are Romeo and Juliet and Time Warner Cable and my job are factions trying to keep us apart. So much has happened since last week: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel spent $7 million dollars on a wedding; she got to invite her old co-star from Seventh Heaven, but N’SYNC didn’t get to go. Joey Fatone was in the touring company of Rent!, so you’d think at least he could garner an invite. I’m guessing Lance Bass was invited, but declined. Apple is coming out with a tiny iPad or a giant iPhone. It’s too early to tell. Like all Apple products, today I think it’s stupid, but in three weeks I will be dying for one. I didn’t watch the final presidential debate; I had improv class and don’t currently have internet at my apartment. Apparently I missed flop sweat, Iran becoming a land-locked country, and President Obama’s sweet burns.

I figured out how to add captions!!! Big day here at the blog.

I also missed my mom’s birthday, which was Sunday. I know the date of her birth and I knew it was impending (I sent a card), but on Sunday I couldn’t make the intellectual leap to put a day and a date together. Calendars are hard. When I realized yesterday that it was the 22nd, my heart was pierced with guilt. Fortunately, my mom is a graceful and mature woman, who was like, “Anytime I get to talk to you I’m glad.” If she was secretly mad and looking to exacerbate my guilt, that was well done.

The little panda is my mom. The big panda is me.

My mom’s easy forgiveness of my inability to understand how dates work reminded me that it’s important not to hold onto the petty things in life. Not getting butt-hurt over every little transgression is what keeps my mom looking so young; plus she moisturizes religiously. I as devout in my skin care regimen (sunscreen is an everyday friend), but not quite as good at picking my battles. My mom’s poise is inspiring and makes me want to be (even more) like her.

No doubt that is also how Khloe Kardashian felt this week when she posted a picture of her mother, Kris Jenner, wearing a skimpy Wonder Woman costume on Twitter. That picture is not going to appear on this blog, but Gawker has it, for all of you lovers of the butchering of American Icons. To a Kardashian, a nip slip on the internet is the epitome of class and sophistication. From one proud internet daughter to another, shine on, Khloe, shine on.

Full disclosure: I sort of like Khloe Kardashian.

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