I love a good prank. One time, I tried to put a funny picture on my coworker’s desk and then walk by like nothing had happened and like, “Oh, who put that funny picture on your desk Arash?” But unfortunately, my love for pranks is disproportionate to my stealthiness and I was immediately found out. Still, a good laugh was had by all. And I am not alone in my love of a slippery-yet-hilarious maneuver, nor in getting caught. Celebrities really are just like us.
Last week, Lindsay Lohan was or wasn’t drunk and was or wasn’t following around the British Band One Direction The Wanted at a club in New York City. The fact that is not up for debate is that she punched a psychic in the face and then tried to slip away from assault charges in her SUV. Lindsay! You scamp. The fact that a psychic isn’t embarrassed that she didn’t see that punch in the face coming is troubling to me. I’m sure Teresa Caputo would have gotten a sign from the spirits, but that is not the main part of the story, nor is the fact that Lindsay Lohan could have really used a psychic to tell her the IRS was about to freeze all her accounts because she owes them $233,904, I guess. Just like I couldn’t get away with pranking Arash, Lindsey can’t seem to pull a good one over on the NYPD or the IRS. Girl, we could never be on Punked!
Giving us a run for our money in adorable people who just can’t get a good prank going is Software Anti-Virus magnate John McAfee. John may or may not have murdered his neighbor in Belize, but he didn’t stop after those accusations started flying. Claiming Belizean police are corrupt and that he would never survive jail, McAfee fled the country to escape murder charges. John, you are seriously the manic pixie dream girl of the computer world! So zany. Unfortunately, like any lovable rascal, his sweet prank had a fatal flaw: hubris. John couldn’t resist talking to Vice Magazine, which printed his coordinates, leading to an arrest by Guatemalan authorities and a promised extradition to Belize. A word from one clever trickster to another, “John, quit it with the heart attacks. Part of being a great prankster is admitting when the jig is up, whether it be murdering your neighbor or confessing that it was indeed you who made that phony phone call from Seymour Butts.”
Who knows what the next celebrity hi-jink will be? Will Chris Brown have a huge fight in a club and then scamper off while we all put our hands on our hips and shake our heads knowingly? Will Charlie Sheen punch a woman right in the face only to hide in a bunker filled with cocaine and hookers only to have all of us laugh right along with him? Will John Boehner go on TV and act like the fiscal cliff is looming because President Obama is being unreasonable about the realities of trickle down economics while half of America falls for it and the other half of us stifle our laughter and keep being all, “John, cut it out!“? The world is full of mystery. The only thing we can be sure of is that famous people’s actions are a direct mirror of our own. Always.
Update courtesy of the Awesome Opossum: John McAfee is better at pranks than I gave him credit for. He may also be batshit crazy.