You guys, the Internet has always been a place where we can be all dramatic and feel feelings and have opinions but I think we’ve gone too far. For the entirety of Sunday, my Facebook timeline was nothing but people bemoaning Daylight Savings Time. Anyone who is upset to the point of having righteous indignation in paragraph form on social media about something that has been in place for all of our lives, needs a hobby. Unless you grew up in Arizona or one of three counties in Indiana or are a literal infant, this is not your first Daylight Savings Time. And even if you fall in one of those three categories, you have to be aware that you are an anomaly. How many babies can post on Facebook autonomously? It sucks for one day that there is an hour less of sleep. Imagine that you just took a trip four hundred miles west. You would not post on your page that you were “SO JETLAGGED-LOOSING ONE HOUR EQUALS STAYING AWAKE FOR ETERNITY.” If you did, I would laugh, but only because I assumed you were kidding.
Likewise, there is too much rage about Chris Brown’s rage. How do people still have the capacity to be surprised that Chris Brown is the barnacle on the dead clam of society? Chris Brown could punch a baby in the face onstage at the Grammy’s and I would be like, “Oh, that does indeed suck. It did seem like the next natural step for him though.” Chris Brown is far from the only celebrity who acts like a total fuckwad all the time to positive reinforcement from gape mouthed, idiotic fans (See: Palin, Sarah; Lohan, Lindsay; Sheen, Charlie/Charles). Why do we act all shocked when Chris Brown, a celebrity worth millions of dollars, who was welcomed back into the recording industry with open arms after extensive photographic evidence proved him to be a violent miscreant with a continual habit of remorselessness for his inability to deal with rage, acts like a violent miscreant with an inability to deal with rage? We let him still be famous, guys, he is going to still act horribly. The jig is up.
Lastly, and most importantly, we are spending way, way too much time and energy and meme ingenuity on Bloomberg’s proposed ban on sodas over 16oz. If you read how much sugar has to be in something for it to be part of the ban, you might be embarrassed. If you thought about the fact that you can still buy guns at a gun show the same way you can buy a ceramic owl-shaped cookie jar at a garage sale, you might feel angry that we are spending so much time on Cherry Coke. And if you thought about the fact that the government feels comfortable nestling in our uteruses and nixing our marriage vows, you might feel blistering outrage at the idea that some people have so many civil liberties that they can feel that much ire over a ban in a city they’ve never visited.
Or you might be too busy feeling distress that Brangelina and Jennifer Aniston’s weddings are possibly going to happen so closely together.