If there’s one thing I hate, it’s not focusing primarily on myself. Like, when I see something going on, my first thought is always, how do I feel about this? Like, when I watch Walking Dead I’m always like, “I wonder if all these zombies would think I am delicious?” Or when someone near me gets a compliment, I’m all, “But how does my hair look?” Or when I pass by the mural of Biggie Smalls in my neighborhood, it’s “I bet he would think I am so cool.” In a Herculean effort to turn my attention outward, I’ve noticed a few newsworthy people are grappling
Earlier this week, Justin Bieber went to the Anne Frank house and remarked, “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” Right, Justin? 50 Cent and Anne Frank’s own stepsister both totally agree. Which is completely the point. I can’t think of anything more to take away from visiting the place where Anne Frank, her family, the van Pels, and Dr. Pfeffer hid in silent terror for years from the Nazis only to be heart wrenchingly discovered and suffer unspeakable fates than how cool she would think I am.
But Justin and I aren’t the only ones who are sometimes misunderstood by the world. You guys, Jay-Z and Beyoncé are friends with the President, whose name is Barack Obama. They like, helped him get elected and sung at the inauguration and fucking take pictures with him in public. And they are busy; they don’t just do that for everyone. And then they take one little trip to Communist Cuba against which the United States of America has a trade embargo and Jay-Z writes a rap telling everyone that the White House totally helped with it. And um, what did their “friend”, President Barack Obama say? “You know, this is not something the White House was involved with,” Obama said. “We’ve got better things to do.”* Um, President Obama, what the H? Jay-Z gave you a shout out. Ugh, you guys, sometimes my friends won’t let me be great either.
But there are people who have it even harder than Jay and Bey, if you can believe it. Yesterday, the Senate did not pass a bipartisan gun control bill that met with 90% approval of the American people. And the American public were total dicks about it, being all, “represent our interests in our legislative branch like we elected you to do!” Senate, they don’t get how much money gun lobbyists give. Like, is doing the right thing going to get you the campaign bus with the big bathroom? Moreover, the NRA is scary to Senators (and most logical people); ugh people don’t even understand what the Senate goes through. You guys, politicians don’t get into the game to make laws to improve America and shape our country’s future. They get into politics to fucking stay in politics. And they can’t do that if they vote against a giant lobby and then that lobby uses its money to say mean things about them come reelection time. God-uh! They are freaked. One person who couldn’t possibly get what they’re feeling, former Arizona Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords who was a victim of a mass shooting at a Safeway in Tucson in 2011, wrote a New York Times Op-Ed that hated all over the terrified Senate, “Senators say they fear the N.R.A. and the gun lobby. But I think that fear must be nothing compared to the fear the first graders in Sandy Hook Elementary School felt as their lives ended in a hail of bullets,” she wrote. “The fear that those children who survived the massacre must feel every time they remember their teachers stacking them into closets and bathrooms, whispering that they loved them, so that love would be the last thing the students heard if the gunman found them.”
I told you she doesn’t get it.
*”Shade is I don’t tell you you’re ugly but I don’t have to tell you because you know you’re ugly … and that’s shade.” Dorian Corey