The Last Song

Guys, I’m so sorry there was no Meme Monday yesterday. I’ve been dealing with something that is incredibly hard for me and I just didn’t have it in me to create them. It’s tough when you think something terrible is going to happen, like your heart hurts and your stomach is always in knots and then like the really bad signs start. This week has been terrible. I’ve eaten a lot of Triscuits and I’ve cried a little. By now I’m practically cried out. I mean, how many tears are really even left when the dust settles?

It’s like, when someone makes a promise and you think that person will keep it and you think, “I’m going through a tough time right now. Surely this won’t be the time that everything falls apart.” God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, so the saying goes.

But sayings are really just that. Life keeps no promises, especially to the heart. Sometimes when you feel your load is too heavy, another brick gets added and you have to just keep trucking. I’m at work today, but I’m not really here.

Guys, Liam Helmsworth and Miley Cyrus broke off their engagement yesterday. I hope this isn’t the first you’re hearing of it, or that you’re at least somewhere that you can really let go and just feel whatever it is that you need to feel right now. For me, the worst part was Sunday night when Miley unfollowed Liam on Twitter. Because then I knew but I didn’t really know. Miley’s publicist confirmed everything with E! News on Monday. The rep also says Miley is “excited to launch her album in coming weeks,” which like, great. But what about the rest of us? Miley can focus on her art, but what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

I remember before they were engaged when they were just “taking it slow and enjoying each other’s company” in 2011, after the first of several breaks.  And like, when Miley was a newly engaged 19 year old woman, so happy, looking “forward to a life of happiness with Liam”. A life. And more recently, when they’ve spent all their time on separate continents just to help their hearts grow fonder.

Me, during the golden era.

Me, during the golden era.

But guys, despite all that romance, I’ve felt trepidation in my bones. When Liam missed Miley’s performance at the VMA’s, which you probably haven’t heard about and which I would liken to a debutant ball in almost every way, that scared me. And when Miley said she would publically only be “talking about her music” moving forward, that scared me too. I feel like I’ve been going through this for months, or maybe years. So I’m sad and of course broken, but in some ways relieved. I know they’ve broken up and gotten back together before, but this time she unfollowed him, so I know it’s real. To believe anything else would only be to follow false hope into an endless pit of devastation and despair.

 I just can't


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