Panda Gets Her Groove Back

Probably no one has called this to your attention today but it was cold in New York. I live in a moderately shitty old brownstone and when I rolled over this morning at 3:30am, my windows were covered in frost. On the inside. Of my apartment. Which was not even that cold.

Snow_Panda

That’s just a fun fact. Here are some others:

  • Sasheer Zamata is joining the cast of Saturday Night Live which is awesome. She is a smart performer with razor sharp wit who works to make the other people onstage with her look good. SNL is extremely lucky to have her. There are a million videos of hers flying around the internet but this is one of my favorites:
  • Knowing what frog gigging is apparently makes me a bit of an anomaly in New York City. I have never gone frog gigging and don’t think I’d have the stomach for it, but it’s basically when you go hunting for frogs but instead of reeling them in on a fishing line or shooting them with a tiny harpoon, you stab them through the head with a stick. I’ll just be over here tuning my banjo if you guys want to invite me to do something cool.
  • Evander Holyfield is a homophobe who uses the Bible to back up the idea that being gay is icky. Since I also know that Mike Tyson bit off Evander’s ear at a boxing match that I inexplicably watched live at a family beach trip (where we did go crabbing, but DID NOT GIG), so I now know two things about Evander Holyfield.
  • Books have trailers now. Like movie trailers in that they are videos but made specifically to promote the written word. What the fuck? What happened to just posting the first chapter of the next Sweet Valley High book at the back of the most recently published one?
  • There is a thing called The Selfie Olympics. It is the single greatest offering the internet has made in 2014, including new cats, mostly because like all good things (exfoliating and hair styling) the rules stipulate they must happen in a bathroom.
#howdidthisguygetinmytinyapartmentandtakea#selfie

#howdidthisguygetintomytinyapartmentandtakea#selfie

Guys, my point is that all I did today was read work emails, go to the basement of my building to get teriyaki, come home, and watch episodes of SVU that I have seen countless times. Imagine all the things I (or anyone) could learn with a tiny bit of effort.

 

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