Meme Mondays: It’s Over. It’s So Over.

world cup

World Cup 2014 that is.

 

Hi guys! Sorry to have such spotty posting. And sorry to the Argentine team for this meme. You guys played well this entire tournament and that game could have gone either way. But I am so glad you lost, for the glorious Evita pun that we all so richly deserve.

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A Christmas Carol: Anger Management Style

Brolin

 

Chris*, if nothing else in your life can scare you straight, please watch this video. Josh Brolin has also been convicted of domestic violence.  Josh Brolin also continues to get to work with people at the top of his field. Josh Brolin also is considered handsome. When you watch this video, know that you look like just as much of an asshole as Josh Brolin.

Josh*, like, all of this stuff, but switch your name and Chris’.

 

*I obviously personally know Josh Brolin and Chris Brown who are both huge fans of my blog. Obviously.

Hide Every Trace of Sadness

At a time like this, it’s important not to dwell on the love that’s been lost but to be grateful for the time that we had. Sometimes a flame burns too hot and too fast to endure the length of the candle. I wish that everything hadn’t ended so close to the holidays, as that’s a tough time to deal with heartbreak, but that’s how these things go sometimes. Guys, Friday, November 1st 2013, Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson ended their two and a half year marriage. You may remember Doug from Lost or the X-Files. You may remember Courtney from being Doug’s child bride or from Big Brother 12 UK. I remember them from the lessons they’ve taught me, like, true love doesn’t last forever. True love knows no societal boundaries. True love is creepy.True love yields fruit, like Doug and Courtney’s dog, Dourtney. I am so grateful for Doug and Courtney for sharing their love and though I’m devastated I’m focusing on the good times not on what has been lost.

CS + DH 4E

 

Giving New Meaning to GOOP

Goopy

 

I’m not proud of that title guys*.

I really don’t care if Gwenyth Paltrow did or did not have an affair. She is a grown woman with her own relationship with her husband and I don’t give a shit what goes on between them. However if she had an affair, she owes it to her readers to tell us how she had the most organic, gluten-free affair of all time.

 

 

 

*Yes I am.

Without Even The Aid Of A Nice Chianti

Image

I try to be cynical in this crazy, mixed up world we live in, especially when it comes to Hollywood. But the letter Sir Anthony Hopkins wrote to Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad is the new kitten meme of the internet. It will warm your heart and help you believe that there might be another tomorrow now that you don’t have Jesse and Walt to help you feel morally superior any longer.

Everything is Hard

BB

 

I finished Breaking Bad on Saturday, bitches. And while I’m thrilled at what a great job the writers did, now I don’t know what to do with my life. Today’s memes will all feature Brenda Walsh, who I wish could have worked with Jesse Pinkman and Walter White before the show ended. Now that glory can only be lived through my fan fiction, Breaking Badder.

Seriously, No Spoilers

Fruma Sarah

 

Seriously, bitches. I’ve been living in a k-hole of Breaking Bad episodes, beginning with Season 1 earlier this month. I’m in the middle of Season 5 now. I don’t have the capacity for violence, so the best I can do is visit you in a scary dream and haunt you while singing a fierce uptempo number written by Bock and Harnick with a chorus of your dead relatives. You will not like it.

The Last Song

Guys, I’m so sorry there was no Meme Monday yesterday. I’ve been dealing with something that is incredibly hard for me and I just didn’t have it in me to create them. It’s tough when you think something terrible is going to happen, like your heart hurts and your stomach is always in knots and then like the really bad signs start. This week has been terrible. I’ve eaten a lot of Triscuits and I’ve cried a little. By now I’m practically cried out. I mean, how many tears are really even left when the dust settles?

It’s like, when someone makes a promise and you think that person will keep it and you think, “I’m going through a tough time right now. Surely this won’t be the time that everything falls apart.” God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, so the saying goes.

But sayings are really just that. Life keeps no promises, especially to the heart. Sometimes when you feel your load is too heavy, another brick gets added and you have to just keep trucking. I’m at work today, but I’m not really here.

Guys, Liam Helmsworth and Miley Cyrus broke off their engagement yesterday. I hope this isn’t the first you’re hearing of it, or that you’re at least somewhere that you can really let go and just feel whatever it is that you need to feel right now. For me, the worst part was Sunday night when Miley unfollowed Liam on Twitter. Because then I knew but I didn’t really know. Miley’s publicist confirmed everything with E! News on Monday. The rep also says Miley is “excited to launch her album in coming weeks,” which like, great. But what about the rest of us? Miley can focus on her art, but what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

I remember before they were engaged when they were just “taking it slow and enjoying each other’s company” in 2011, after the first of several breaks.  And like, when Miley was a newly engaged 19 year old woman, so happy, looking “forward to a life of happiness with Liam”. A life. And more recently, when they’ve spent all their time on separate continents just to help their hearts grow fonder.

Me, during the golden era.

Me, during the golden era.

But guys, despite all that romance, I’ve felt trepidation in my bones. When Liam missed Miley’s performance at the VMA’s, which you probably haven’t heard about and which I would liken to a debutant ball in almost every way, that scared me. And when Miley said she would publically only be “talking about her music” moving forward, that scared me too. I feel like I’ve been going through this for months, or maybe years. So I’m sad and of course broken, but in some ways relieved. I know they’ve broken up and gotten back together before, but this time she unfollowed him, so I know it’s real. To believe anything else would only be to follow false hope into an endless pit of devastation and despair.

 I just can't